This topic can be a bit overwhelming? (If I’m honest I’m feeling a little overwhelmed tackling it, but we’ll get through it together.)
My first piece of advice, is be kind to who you are. If the two of you (or even just one of you, cos you’re here as a team) is super uncomfortable with public speaking, plan on shorter rather than longer vows.
If one or both of you gets super emotional at everything from great sunrises to baby ducks to there not being any orange chocolate chip ice cream left, then think about how deep you want to go in front of your guests.
You do have the option of saying all the big emotion things (or just the things you’re not comfortable saying in front of your Aunties) in private letters to each other to read before the ceremony, and sharing some lovely but less emotionally charged vows during your ceremony. (Or even skipping straight from the declaration of intent ‘I dos’, to the legal line)
And since you’ve come here for advice writing your own vows, here goes.
In Aotearoa New Zealand the two people getting married must be the ones to say ‘I (name) take you (name) to be my legal husband/ wife/ partner’ or words to that effect.
Absolutely everything else is a choice (which I know is unhelpful). So let’s break it down.
I’m not going to put words in your mouth (though if that’s what you’re after, google to your hearts content my friend!!). Rather give you an idea of how to format it.
Something important from your past together. When you met, when you knew you wanted to spend all of the time with this person, that time you went on holiday and it all went wrong and you learned how laughing with each other can make nearly everything feel better.
Something (or many things) you love about the other person.
Something you want to promise to your person for your future together. I could give you suggestions here, but the list would be endless. You know what’s important in your relationship and what you want in a future together. What constitutes a happy successful marriage.
Include what’s special to you as a couple. Write from the heart. Don’t worry about whether or not it’s technically correct. I had one lovely groom send me his vows. Both the originals he had written and the version Grammarly had spat out when we gave it his originals to ‘correct’. It didn’t even take me a whole read to know, while the Grammarly version may have been technically correct, his words had lost all of their heart. I know not everyone will agree with me, but grammar should take a back seat to love, joy, heart and authenticity in vows.
I can’t speak for every celebrant, but I offer to both print your vows onto cards for you (one less thing for you to forget to bring on your wedding day). You’re welcome to keep your vows to yourself. But whether you’re having me print them or not, I’m happy to act as an impartial third party - I can let you know things like if you have a similar tone, or if one of you has written 3 pages and one has written 2 sentences.
If you’re bringing them yourself here are a few suggestions for making them easy to physically read on the day:
Make the font large enough. I use size 14 font, even if I’m not wearing my glasses I can comfortably read this. You know your eye sight, act accordingly. (This applies if you’re writing by hand too)
Break it up. When a sentence ends start a new line. When one idea ends create a new paragraph.
If you have a page or two, break that down onto cards.
Printer paper will blow in the breeze, vow books and board/ heavy card won’t.
I hope this has helped make writing your own vows a little less daunting. And if I sound like maybe I could be the celebrant for you, get in touch I’d love to hear about how you’re planning to celebrate doing life together.
Photo Credits:
Caitlin & Camden: Kiwi Captures
David & Neels: Focus Photography